I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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