ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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