i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
