Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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