Me too!
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
