thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
