I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize