Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
