Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
We need to rekindle our bromance
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
