So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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