carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
