he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
