My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
