who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
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