I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
