So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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