I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Randomize
