just tell him i said nine months
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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