You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize