i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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