You smell like stripper and shame
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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