he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
