So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
