When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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