Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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