shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
