I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Randomize
