first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
