dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
