Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
