You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
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