i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
