Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
