His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I smell like Dick and happiness
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
