she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
