Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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