guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
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