just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
