this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
