Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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