He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
