These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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