I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
