We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
