i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
