worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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