if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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