I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
