the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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