i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
