Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I can't turn off my feet"
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
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