I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
