i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
