I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
