I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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