i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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