So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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