put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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