Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Sober January is a disaster.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Randomize
