some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
someone owes me an orgasm
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
