I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
