So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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