Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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