I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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