Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
