Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
