come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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