It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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