Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
you made out with another girl for some wings
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
