Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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