Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize