did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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