I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
