She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
