Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
