I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
