wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I just gift wrapped bread.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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