I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
