imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
