meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Randomize
