did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Where is the hickey?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
