i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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