I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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