life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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