It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
