I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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