bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
foreskin is a definite game changer
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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