tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
