I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
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