I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
