I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize