I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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