Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
